The Shamy Chronicles
by HermioneHuff
Summary: Rated 'T' for Language and Slight Suggestive Themes. Sheldon and Amy are at a bump in their relationship, though it feels like a Mountain. Can they hike over it, with the help of the rest of the gang? *I apologize for the lack of updates lately, I'll try to keep on it!*
1. Chapter 1

_**The Shamy Chronicles**_

_Part One: The Extinction of the Anti-Coitus Relationship_

CHAPTER ONE: The Crying Physicist

**Disclaimer: I do not own The Big Bang Theory, otherwise many other things would be taking place in the storyline.**

*Knock, knock, knock* "Penny."

Penny sighs and gets up from her couch, heading towards the door.

*Knock, knock, knock* "Penny."

She stands on the other side of the door, waiting for the final set of knocking.

*Knock, knock, knock* "Penny."

Surprisingly, the man's voice on the other side of the door breaks, and Penny hears a muffled catch in his throat.

Confused, Penny opens the door.

Sheldon Cooper stands in front of her, eyes red and puffy, with a very dismal expression on his face.

"Sheldon?" Penny asks, cocking her head furrowing her brow in concern.

"H-Hello, Penny." He greets her, shaking and twitching in what appears to be anger and sadness. "M-May I come in?"

"Of course, sweetie!" She nods and backs up to sit down on the couch again.

He joins her, still shaking.

"What's wrong?" She asks.

"World Hunger, War, Greed…" Sheldon's voice trails off, and he looks away.

_Ever the Literalist._ Penny thinks, and she shakes her head. "No, sweetie, I meant what's wrong with you?"

Sheldon looks taken aback, and for a moment he seems to have forgotten about his worries, whatever they were. "I'm not crazy, my mother had me tested. Haven't I told you that?"

Penny bites her lip and sighs again. "No, that's not what I meant either. I meant why do you seem so upset?"

"Oh." Sheldon's face falls again. He looks at his feet, and actually looks like he's going to cry. "Well…"

"Sheldon?" Penny says again, this time in slight understanding. "Does this have something to do with Amy?"

"Yes." He replies, not looking up, and she sees a tear fall from his face to his lap.

"What happened?" Penny asks, reaching out to him. But then she remembers whose back she's about to rub, and she contracts her hand.

Sheldon didn't answer right away; he just turned and grasped the couch cushion, and started sobbing.

Amy Farrah Fowler, Sheldon's girlfriend, had been over to the apartment that Sheldon shared with his roommate, (and Penny's boyfriend) Leonard Hofstadter, only a half-hour beforehand. Penny had been heading downstairs to do her laundry in the Laundry Room by the mailboxes when Amy arrived, happy and bubbly like she always was when heading to see Sheldon. Penny had her headphones in, so they shared a brief smile-and-nod greeting before Amy headed up the stairs to his apartment. However, Penny's iPod had died so when she was returning out of the laundry room, she could hear Amy running back down the stairs after only ten minutes. Penny tried to call out to her, but Amy was not in the mood to talk. All Penny saw was Amy's broken, sobbing face as she ran out of the building. Penny shrugged, intending to ask Sheldon about it later.

But she didn't; as she walked back into her apartment to drop off her laundry basket before interrogating Sheldon (oh, damn… she really was spending too much time with them if she planned to 'interrogate' him) her cell phone rang. Bernadette was calling her to gossip about Howard's new technique for buying her on-sale clothes; he would scout the internet clothing sites for days, looking for a good sale, all just for her, and wasn't that just the cutest thing?

Bernadette and Penny had just said goodbye when Sheldon knocked at her door.

So here he was, broken and now sobbing into Penny's couch cushion, just like Amy would have, had she come upstairs with Penny rather than brush her off.

Yes, Doctor Sheldon Cooper was sobbing on Penny's couch.

"What happened, sweetie?" She asks again, and this time he answers.

"She dumped me, Penny!" He cries, hitting the couch with his fist.

Penny looks beyond dumbstruck, as though Rajesh Koothrapalli had just spoken to her while sober. "What?!"

"She wanted to go further with the physical contact, and I stood my ground. Then she just burst into tears and said 'We're over, Sheldon Cooper'!" Sheldon says, sniffling and looking at Penny with a sorrowful face. "I didn't even get to say anything towards my case when she left, slamming the door. I would have gone to Leonard for comfort, but as you know, he's at work and he doesn't like it when people bug him at work. He said only in emergencies, and this is not an emergency."

Penny almost laughs, though she stops when she sees Sheldon break down again, sobbing into the couch cushion behind him.

"How could she?" He sobs.

"Aww, sweetie, you were just in different places in the relationship. Like Leonard and I were, a few years ago."

"You mean when he said he loved you and you said 'Thank you'?" Sheldon stops sobbing to look at her quizzically.

Penny purses her lips, sighing through her nose. "Yes."

"But you and Leonard got over that. And Amy and I will never get over this. She seemed very upset." Sheldon's voice breaks again, and he looks at his lap.

Suddenly, Penny's matchmaking skills are intrigued. "Well, if Leonard and I can get over that then you and Amy can get over this! Problem solved, right?" She says hopefully.

It doesn't work. "But you and Leonard are better at this; you've both been in relationships before. I've never been. Amy has, but they haven't lasted very long."

"That's what friends are for. We can help you!" Penny says, again feeling hopeful.

It works this time. "Really?" Sheldon looks happy for the first time since he arrived.

Penny smiles. "Really."

"Oh, excellent! So when do we start? Right now?" Sheldon's eyes sparkle.

Penny sighs, hating to burst his (metaphorical) bubble. "We have to give Amy some time, sweetie."

"But it's already been 45 minutes, how much more time does she need?" Sheldon looks genuinely confused.

_I keep forgetting who I'm dealing with here_. Penny shakes her head, smiling again. "Amy will need at least 24 hours, Sheldon. Girls are more fragile than boys when this kind of thing happens.

Sheldon shrugs. "Oh, alright." He gets up, and so does Penny. "Thanks for your help, Penny."

Then something unexpected happens; Sheldon (awkwardly) hugs her.

Penny starts, but then hugs him back.

However unexpected, it doesn't last long despite her shock. Sheldon pulls away, and leaves to his own apartment.

Just as unexpectedly, he returns just ten seconds later.

"Forgot to close the door." He grins. "I hope Amy will forgive me…" He mumbles, unaware Penny can hear him, shutting the door before she could point it out.

Penny shakes her head. "Poor Sheldon."


	2. Chapter 2

_**The Shamy Chronicles**_

_Part One: The Extinction of the Anti-Coitus Relationship_

**Disclaimer: I do not own The Big Bang Theory, otherwise many other things would be taking place in the storyline.**

Chapter Two: The Hofstadter Consolation

Leonard Hofstadter slides his key into the lock and opens the door to his apartment. Well, his shared apartment; Sheldon always reminds him that it's _his_ apartment as well.

Anyway, Leonard is surprised to find the lights off, the TV off and no Sheldon anywhere in sight. Leonard shrugs, thinking maybe he had hitched a ride with someone or taken the bus to the Comic Book Store—

Leonard stops in his tracks, both mentally and physically. Sheldon Cooper taking the bus?! That sounds almost as extraterrestrial as Sheldon himself does!

Leonard sighs and whips out his phone, dialing the number of their friend Raj. He hears the phone ring a few times, and Raj answers.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Raj, it's me; listen, have you seen Sheldon? I came home and the lights were off. The only reason he shuts the lights off is when he leaves, sleeps or watches a movie. The TV's off too, and he can't be sleeping as it's six in the prevening."

"Whoa, slow down dude. I don't have Sheldon. You're saying Sheldon is missing?"

"No, I'm saying he either hitched a ride with you somewhere or with Penny. I haven't checked Penny yet, but I'll call you back or text you, or something."

"Why aren't you trying Howard?" Raj asks, forgetting one key item against that argument:

"Because Howard only has that tiny scooter and Sheldon is terrified of being passenger on that thing." Leonard reminds him, and he heard Raj hum in recognition.

Howard Wolowitz was the last man in their group of friends. Sheldon once described him as The Funny One [in the group], but Howard was also forever trying to hit on and pick up girls; up until recently, he'd not had a steady relationship in many years. Now, he's as happy as can be with one of Penny's coworkers at the Cheesecake Factory; Bernadette.

"Have you tried to call Amy yet?" Raj suggests.

Leonard throws his head back, as one would do in remembrance of something important, and states that he hadn't thought of it.

"That's understandable. Sheldon's always the one without a girlfriend, and now I am…" Raj's voice trails off.

Leonard sighs; poor Raj was always reminding them how he doesn't have a girlfriend. "I'm very sad about that, Raj, but I really have to find Sheldon. I'll call you back in a few minutes whether I find him or not, okay?"

Raj agrees, so they both hang up their respective phones.

Leonard immediately calls Amy, and she answers after three rings.

"Hello, Amy Farrah Fowler speaking." Amy's voice sounds broken and she is gasping for breath, as though she had just gotten home from a crying marathon.

But Leonard has no time for sympathies, as Raj clearly understood; he only hoped Amy would, too. "Er, hi Amy, it's Leonard. Listen, um, have you seen Sheldon? I don't know where-"

Suddenly, Amy cuts him off, sounding furious. "Don't you dare talk to me about that self-centred jerk! He can be dying in a hole for all I care, which I don't at all!" And with that, she hangs up the phone.

Leonard is startled. Amy, mad at Sheldon? This was getting weird.

Weird or not, Sheldon was still missing. So Leonard opens his door just in time for him to see Sheldon closing the door to Penny's apartment. He turns to Leonard, and Leonard can see he has been crying.

"Oh, hello Leonard. I need to go count 23 hours and fifteen minutes. Apparently Amy is a sensitive woman."

_**End of Part One**_


	3. Chapter 3

_**The Shamy Chronicles**_

_Part Two: The Attempted Amendment of the Anti-Coitus Relationship_

**Disclaimer: I do not own The Big Bang Theory, otherwise many other things would be taking place in the storyline.**

Chapter One: The Cooper Obsession Demolition

_Time Passing: By this point, Leonard knows about the break-up, and so do Howard and Raj; it has been not quite 24 hours, hence Sheldon's obsessive waiting._

"Sheldon, what are you doing?" Leonard asks.

Sheldon is leaning against the wall next to the door, staring at his watch, mumbling to himself. "Counting."

Leonard, who knew exactly what he was counting and how out-of-hand Sheldon's explanations could get, neglects to ask. Penny, however, forgetting who she was with, asks; "Counting what?"

Howard, Raj and Leonard begin to groan. "No, no, no!"

"Well…" Sheldon begins, and they all groan again, including Penny, who now realizes what she's done. "I'm counting the seconds until the end of the minute, then the minutes until the end of the hour, then the hours until 1700 hours, which is very close at hand, at which time I will begin my personal plan to win back Amy Farrah Fowler, which is a smile and a written formal apology." Sheldon smiles, with his slightly creepy Sheldon smile that is unique to him, and holds up the piece of paper in his hand.

"I thought we were supposed to help you?" Howard points out, and Raj, who was next to him, nods semi-eagerly in agreement.

"Yes, but I wanted to test my theory first. You see, I did some research on the internet, and I found that close to Eighty Percent of everyday conflicts can be resolved with a formal apology."

"Even if that were true, Sheldon, which it probably isn't—" Leonard starts to protest, but Sheldon cuts him off.

"What do you mean, it isn't true? I read it on the website that I printed the apology off of!"

"Sheldon, sweetie, that's probably just a marketing scheme to get you to use the apology!" Penny explains.

Sheldon shrugs. "Well, I guess it's working, because I'm using it, aren't I?"

"But Sheldon, this is not en everyday situation… most people don't have this problem. This is a pretty unique situation, because most people who have dated for this long have already kissed!" Leonard concludes.

"Unique? You mean, not everyone gets dumped because they're in different places in the relationship? Because that's not what I've observed from you and Penny." [AN: Somewhere, somehow, an imaginary laugh track is cackling with delight.]

"Very funny, Sheldon." Penny says, pursing her lips.

Raj whispers something to Howard, and Howard seems to have agreed. "No, I don't think that was meant as a joke either."

Sheldon looks at them in surprise. "Why, no it wasn't! For once, someone correctly understood me!"

Leonard rolls his eyes. "No, I think we all understand you quite well."

Sheldon shakes his head in disbelief and exhaustion. "I'm going to say that was sarcasm, but I'm bored with this conversation." He glances at his watch. "Look at the time! It's already 1700 hours and fifty-five seconds!" And with that, Sheldon throws open the door. "Leonard, let's go."

Leonard, not even bothering to protest, gets up and follows Sheldon out the door, shrugging to the others as he closes it behind him.


	4. Chapter 4

_**The Shamy Chronicles**_

_Part Two: The Attempted Amendment of the Anti-Coitus Relationship_

**Disclaimer: I do not own The Big Bang Theory, because my therapist said so.**

Chapter Two: The Cooper/Fowler Argumentative Agreement

_Time Passing: By this point, Sheldon is on his way to Amy's apartment. They (Sheldon and a few others) are in the car._

"Sheldon, do you really think this will even work?" Leonard asked, concerned as he turned a corner in the cramped car.

"Of course," said Sheldon matter-of-factly. "It has to. Amy just_ has_ to accept my apology."

"Sheldon, this may not work, okay?" Leonard stated. "Please don't get your hopes up for nothing."

"For nothing?" Sheldon protested, turning in his seat to face him. "What do you mean?"

"Sheldon, if it doesn't work, you'll be really disappointed, won't you?" Howard puts in from the backseat.

"Well, of course I will, but why are you people even with us?"

"Because you didn't want to leave us alone in your apartment in case we decided to do something stupid like sit in your seat or touch your food." Penny stated, and Raj nodded energetically from the next seat.

"Oh, right." Sheldon says.

By this time they have reached Amy's apartment, and Sheldon goes up alone, insisting against any support.

*Knock, knock, knock* "Amy."

*Knock, knock, knock* "Amy."

*Knock, knock, knock* "Amy."

Instead of the door opening, he hears a muffled squeak and a loud "Go away, Sheldon!"

He doesn't listen; instead, he knocks again.

*Knock, knock, knock* "Amy."

*Knock, knock, knock* "Amy."

*Knock, knock, knock* "Amy."

A sigh reaches Sheldon's ears, and the door opens to reveal a disheveled Amy.

"What do you want?"

"I came to apologize." He hands her the Formal Apology and smiles his unique Sheldon Smile.

Amy reads the Formal Apology. "Thank you for the apology, but I'm afraid I must decline your invitation to come back to your apartment to have dinner."

Sheldon looked aghast. "What? Why?"

"Because I feel this relationship is moving too slowly as opposed to my observations of other relationships. And if you don't feel ready for this relationship to move, I make a vote for this relationship to be terminated immediately."

"But, I…" Sheldon starts, then he looks at Amy's face and realizes she's serious. "Fine. I…" He looks down and chokes back a sob. "I second the motion."

"Fine. Good day, Sheldon Cooper."

"Good day, Amy Farrah Fowler."

And with that, Sheldon turns and walks down the hallway far enough to be out of earshot, then sits against the wall and sobs.


End file.
